My Knight in Shining Cowboy Boots

This photo is husband,  Rob and daughter, Jackie, at her condo in downtown Chicago. That's Tumbleweed, our golden who passed last Jan. We have a new golden puppy now named Thistle!

I have a pretty amazing husband. We’ve been together 22 years now, wow!  This September,  we will celebrate our 20^th wedding anniversary. I know, at my age, that isn’t a record or anything but for what we’ve been through together, it’s pretty amazing to me.

I actually got stuck with that AIDS needle and diagnosed before our wedding. I told Rob at the time that I wouldn’t blame him a bit if he didn’t want to continue our relationship, as a matter of fact, I kinda preferred at the time that he just go away. Naturally, I was pretty upset and the docs had given me about 6 months to live at the time, due the massive amount of virus I was injected with. Rob said no, he couldn’t leave me, he loved me and it would just be wrong to abandon me when I needed him most. It was a rocky start to a marriage, let me tell you.  Back then, the only drug available was AZT and it was nasty. The docs put me on a huge dose because of my circumstances and I think they were really just humoring the walking corpse they thought they saw in their office. Over the years and the clinical trials I did back in Baltimore at Hopkins, I was so very sick, I tested just about every single drug that is used by patients today. We now know that that was a stupid way to go…it is why I’m resistant to everything now, but the docs were fumbling back then and people were dying like flies. And I spent a lot of time calling Ralph on the porcelain telephone, wracked with chills, totally exhausted…ah, testing new pills is fun! Most people don’t realize that most of the drugs used to treat HIV are chemotherapy drugs that didn’t quite work out for other things. Only lately have they become specific to targeting the virus.

One of my drugs that I just stopped taking, Norvir, (google it for giggles and you’ll see) is so toxic, there are 27 other common drugs I can’t take while on them and the MAJOR side effect list is massive and ungodly. We once spent one of our vacation trips coming out here to the West with me alternating between drooling half unconscious and vomiting (when the compazine wore off) because of  Norvir! It has to be kept refrigerated, too, so I had to keep it in a cooler, iced at all times. I barely remember that trip….but I do remember that when I was conscious, Rob had me laughing. And, he made sure I was good and strapped in when we were fishing…

Back to Rob…most people who know him think of him as a gruff, unbending, kinda humorless man who is always complaining about something.  Many who meet us as a couple, pull me aside and say “Really? THIS is your husband? You are so outgoing and cheerful and he’s so quiet… HA….Once he gets to know you well, his humor comes out and you see why I married him. Plus, people, do you really think I’d stick around a dull, uninteresting guy?

Sometimes, I actually lose my sense of humor, yes, I do. Rob always comes to the rescue, finding the humor for me when it’s hidden from me.  And he’s so generous, it’s obvious to me that he’s thinking about me all the time.  I now know that when he’s upset, it’s usually because he’s worried, not mad. When he’s quiet, he’s coming up with solutions, not brooding.  Yes, his negativity gets to me on occasion, but if we were both Pollyannas, that would be icky, like living in a candy bowl, probably.

The best thing about Rob is that he pushes me. I can spiral into a mushroom on a log in no time flat, especially in the winter, when it’s 10 below zero.  He pushes me to get out and do things. Even if it’s just to go visit and have coffee with girlfriends, or go for a walk  with Thistle, our golden retriever puppy, which is more in line with what I do these days. When we first moved here and I was younger, he’d get me out hiking on pretty days up in the mountains, until I’d had pneumonia too many times and lost too much lung function.

Another thing he does and I don’t think he knows I know about it..wow, how grammatical was that?   He always has a trip planned for us.  As soon as we get back from a photo adventure (He’s quite an excellent photographer and sells nature photos) or a vacation, he’s planning the next one.  I know what he’s doing…he’s keeping me focused on the future,  the dear man. Sometimes, that trip or that party I have planned is the only thing holding me together and he knows it.  And, being a Planner by profession, he’s very good at it! You are almost there, just by what he plans.  He has our itinerary all mapped out, where we’re stopping for lunches, what things we’re going to see and he prints it all out for me so I can dream about it til the time comes.

Our next big trip right now is to Utah and Arizona in April. We are going to photograph the wildflowers blooming in the desert and see the cactus and drop in on the Grand Canyon.  I have some awesome friends from FB who are Native American that live in Sedona, AZ and own a Spa that are expecting us to drop in, too and a friend of ours from Buffalo that moved to Wickenburg, AZ has  barstools down there with our names on them. Gonna be an awesome trip and I am already there in my mind's eye.

Rob is a workaholic…but I think he’d give up a lot of it if we didn’t have so many medical bills. Luckily, he turns 60 this year, and will finally get his military retirement from his 23 years as a Navy Chief..  I hope he slows down but I won’t make him because I know this is his way of showing me how much he cares.  I hope each and every one of you find a soul mate like I have, who will love you when you are ugly and rejoice with you in your little accomplishments….

This is Windy Thistle with me hiking up in the mountains...