Okay, so I got some bad news, it’s not the end of the world, it’s happened before, lots of times, really. The latest is that my viral load has gone from 400 copies to 79,500 in 2 months and my t-cells (immune system) has dropped from 299 to 77. What this means is that my virus has gotton extremely active again and the meds have stopped working altogether. This time though, I’m on what they call “salvage therapy”, the end of the road…there are no more drugs in the pipeline to put me on. I’m resistant to everything out there now. Damn virus…it mutates, you know. Finds a way to keep replicating despite the $3000 worth of poison I shove down my throat every month.
Now, you might think that I’m all depressed about this but really this is just another little bump in the road as far as I’m concerned. I’ve battled worse, far worse really. I’ve been dealing with this stupid AIDS virus for 20 years now and I’m just darned happy to still be here.
Six years ago I got another nasty surprise by being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis as if AIDS weren’t enough to be dealing with. Of course, the treatment is the exact opposite so there’s nothing I can do about it, except walk like a mangled freak when I’m tired and pop more pills for the neuropathy that comes with it. I have bought some really cool canes but just haven’t gotton the guts to be seen in public with them yet, lol.
Then, as if THAT wasn’t enough on my plate….I started getting lower back pain about 4 years ago, went to the docs and found out that it wasn’t my back, it was two tumors, 6 cm in diameter, sitting on my renal arteries on either side of my aorta…called retroperitoneal liposarcoma. Guess what…inoperable…well they could operate but the docs said I wouldn’t survive the surgery or more to the point, the aftermath of possible infections afterward so they sent me to a oncologist that is also a naturopath. I won’t go into all the strange things she put me on but I am now a vegan, don’t eat fat, sugar, things from boxes, basically only fresh food. The good news is that the tumors are basically undetectable now. Thanks, Dr. Ru!!
The reason I’m writing all this is that I’m not mad, just confused. I feel healthy, I look healthy! I exercise, I work in the garden…I have a full life, wonderful supportive friends and family. I must still be here for a reason, but I just wish the Creator would give me some sign of what exactly is going on and where I’m supposed to go from here. Don’t feel sorry for me, don’t give me those damn puppy dog, sad sack eyes when you see me and ask how I’m doing. And, for Pete’s sake, don’t look at me and be jealous of something I have that you don’t….my husband works 4 jobs to try to give me as much as he can and as many experiences because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
If you have good health, be grateful…it’s worth a lot more than you probably realize. All the money in the world can’t buy you more time in this world. Go out and really look around you! Enjoy nature…really see the birds going about their lives, listen to the grass grow, watch a mother and baby moose in the woods. Lay in the grass and watch the clouds speed by. Make an effort to make others feel good, regardless of what’s going on in your life.
Folks, that’s what’s life’s about!!!
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