Emotional sponge confessions



The awesome UM Ranch house, sits all alone, high on a hill. This is my "coveted" house, I love it so much!



Good morning, campers!  How are you all today?  I am fantastic, as usual, despite the early hour and the fact that it’s Monday.  I woke up with great music in my head this morning, just started my early morning off special.

Do you have an inner radio, too?  Mine plays all the time. I have no control over what songs play, sometimes it’s stuff I absolutely love and then on occasion, something obnoxious starts up, like disco.  I have to sing the disturbing song out loud to get rid of the darn thing! Since I’ve always had things in my head other than my own thoughts, I assumed everyone else did until a few years ago.

I touched on this a while back here on my blog and I’ve decided it’s time to fess up a little secret about myself…. I’m an Empath.  Rut ro, you say….Lisa is getting really weird here. No, really, I am a sponge for the consciousness of others, be it people, animals, even plants.  I can SEE their emotions, they come in colors sometimes and I can FEEL other’s moods.  I used to think it was just a survival skill I had learned while growing up in a very turbulent childhood.  I went to a lot of different schools, lived in a lot of places and was constantly having to gauge others as I was always the “new” kid growing up.  It has really come in handy, let me tell you.  It has also been somewhat of a curse.  One of the reasons I love living in a small town is that there are less people’s emotions to deal with.  I used to walk down the crowded streets of Baltimore and feel bombarded with negativity, it was almost physical.  It would make me very depressed, absorbing everyone’s pain.

I have now learned how to work with it and am trying to use it to help others see themselves more honestly. You are certainly thinking I’m crazy by now, but I have scientific proof to back up my claims.  There’s a video you really need to see that shows how we can actually even change our DNA with our thoughts.  If you are interested the video is located here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHYsUlzR-6E  It’s a little long, about 25 minutes, but after watching, you may never view yourself or others the same.  And you may realize that you are not doomed by this life we live. It talks about how the scientists got it wrong and “matter” does not really exist!  I won’t tell you any more, you really need to watch the video.

Back to being an empath, though… it’s not an “I see dead people thing” I just feel when people are happy, sad, angry, worried, whatever.  I don’t know WHY you are having those emotions, I just feel you having them.  I am sensitive to the invisible as well as the visible and pick up on body language, voice tonality, choice of words (and words you avoid). It is not unusual for me to totally freak out or not be able to sleep for days…only to find that someone close to me has passed away or someone is going through either a very difficult time or a very wonderful time.  It happened with my Great Aunt Becky and thanks to my cousin, Camille, I finally know exactly what those pre-death feelings are because she called me in the process of Aunt Becky leaving us.  I get a real shuddery feeling, almost like my breathing has several levels.  In the past, I thought I was coming down with the flu or something and never really connected the feeling with someone I love dearly leaving this earth. While Camille and Libbie were going through their goodbyes with Aunt Becky, though, I really concentrated on the emotions and physical manifestations I was experiencing. The scary part is I never know who it is… You can bet the next time I get this feeling, I will be calling every relative and person I care about to check on them.

The first time I really remember experiencing this gift/curse was when my cousin, Jack, was killed in that car accident when I was in high school. I remember like it was yesterday the moment the phone call came from Uncle Charlie and Aunt Dotty that the accident had occurred. As Mom was reaching to answer the phone call, I actually screamed and crumbled to the floor….”something happened to Jack”. I just KNEW the moment that phone rang!  It was very scary for a 15 yr old troubled girl, let me tell you.  That whole few weeks after were a tumble of crazy emotions for me, because the whole family was grieving so terribly. I couldn’t even go to school for two weeks.

I think everyone has the capacity to be empathetic on the level I am. You have just shut it out at some point in your youth.  I have learned finally to embrace it and love myself for who I am. Mostly, I love the fact that people feel comfortable with me, even strangers, telling me things they would not normally divulge.  I am a listener and I do not kiss and tell. But don’t lie to me, because I can feel it. Your mouth may be saying one thing, but your body and your thoughts are projecting the truth of your feelings to me. I read faces like most people read books.

The world would be a better place if we all practiced using our intuition. Our education system, however, with its rote learning, stifles that gene in most of us.  We empaths are the rule breakers, the dreamers, the creative thinkers who won’t bow down to the status quo.  If you manage to survive intact through your years of institutional thinking, you might be able to help the world see that we are so interconnected, in our thoughts and feelings, that we CAN change the world from the ugly we are experiencing now.

Wow, I can’t believe I said all this out loud finally.  I’m gonna know if you are reading my blog, you know…I’ll see it in your face when I pass you on the street. It’s been weird, knowing so many people are getting to  know the real me. But it’s very liberating, let me tell you.  I had come to a point where I had lost my ability to cry.  I had built up so many walls to protect myself from your emotions that I lost mine in the process.  Lately, I have been able to cry again, not in pain or grief so much, but in joy.  Joy in the fact that this is an amazing life we have, so much of ourselves undiscovered.  Sometimes, I think I only need go up into my Bighorns, I don’t need to see the world anymore because the world is right here inside me.

Get out there and start trying to use your own intuition.  Start trusting yourself when you get a “feeling”.  Your heart knows much more than that silly gray matter lets you think it does. Start by approaching everything, and I mean everything, with love. When you start getting angry, take a step back and examine exactly what it is that is causing it.  If it seems to be totally irrational, maybe you, too, are just sensitive to others.  Google information on empaths, take the quizzes that are available.  My favorite site for this is http://www.mysilentecho.com/  They’ve really helped me.

Love to you all from the giant weirdness and love that is ME.

Me with my new hat..reminds me of "Where the Wild Things Are"